Italy vs Holland

I am going to warn you that if you don't want to hear the rantings of hormonal woman close this page now because I need to vent! I read something that hit close to home the other night the author compared having a baby to going on a wonderful vacation to Italy, you get your travel guides and plan what you will see. The day finally arrives for your fabulous trip but instead of the plane landing in Italy as you had planned it lands in Holland. You are dissapointed to be in Holland because you were expecting Italy. Its not that Holland is a bad place it is just not what you expected. So now you have to buy a new guide book, and make new plans. The trip will still be a good one, just different then what was planned. This is how I feel. I was so excited the day I found out that I was pregnant with Brunton. It had taken us quite some time to get pregnant with Coleman, so it was a surprise that after just 3 months of trying we were expecting. This pregnancy was a hard one for me. The first trimester I had a lot of spotting and feared that I would miscarry and then there was the nausea and headaches. I was miserable. Then I hit 18 weeks and the doctor decided that because of Coleman's preterm birth I needed to do pregesterone shots. (If you have had to have these you know that they are so thick that they burn going in and the injection site is sore for days after). Well I bucked up and gave myself the shots because I loved my baby and wanted to do all I could to give him a chance to be as healthy as possible. And then there is the third trimester where I am put on bedrest for 5 weeks because I am in preterm labor. At this point I am beyond frustrated but I keep going for my baby. And then the blessed day arrives. Everything is running smoothly for once I had an easy, short labor and once that epidural was in I was in heaven. Even when they told me he might have down syndrome I felt like they were just mistaken. Then they transfered US to the recovery room. I was so happy, my baby was with me. It was finally going like I had planned. For 8 hours Brunton lay by me. People came to visit us and it was as if everything was fine. Then I mentioned to the nurse that he seemed blue to me and that is where it all went downhill. He was rushed to the NICU to be monitored. We quickly fell back into the routine of the NICU. Only touching our baby every 3 hours and always having someone watching what you are doing. All I wanted was to have a baby, and experience a normal recovery. Instead I got to experience the lonliness and heartbreak of another NICU baby. Instead of visitors excited to see us and the baby we spent our time in the NICU talking to doctors, social workers, and many others who were caring for our little one. Instead of going home from the hospital and relaxing, we got to go home long enough to drop off our stuff and be back to the hospital for Brunton's 10 am cares. Instead of bonding with my baby in the comfort of my home I had to listen to the nurses explain to me why my baby was better off in their care. And now instead of spending my maternity leave relaxing and spending time with my boys I get to go to doctor appointments, arrange early intervention, arrange for oxygen in our home, and much more. I am grateful for Brunton, he is such a blessing in our lives, but this definatley is not "Italy". I guess we will just have to make a new plan and in the end I am sure that everything will turn out great. Hey, maybe in the end we will wonder why we wanted to go to "Italy" anyway because "Holland" is much better!!!