A Plan, Why bother!!

Well today I have decided to use my blog to vent, so if you don't want to hear my rantings and ravings I recommend you leave now! Here it goes.. I have always been a planner, I plan everything writing list after list of what needs to be done and then checking it off as I go. After I got married I even planned what I wanted for the rest of my life.. Buy a house, get a dog, have a baby, quit my job and raise a family,ect. Well the first of my plan worked wonderfully we bought our house just months after we were married and got a puppy a few months after that. Thats pretty much where the plan went downhill. It took us over a year and a half to get pregnant with Coleman and then he tested us by coming 6 weeks early. I remember how excited I was to be a mom and I again planned everything, I remember being so excited to welcome him to the world, and show him off to our family and friends, to have him handed to me right after delivery and have that amazing bonding moment. Unfortunatley he needed extra medical attention and was rushed out of the delivery room before I even saw him. I remember laying in my hospital room listening to the new babies cry, the families chatting, and all the joy that comes from a new life and thinking to myself how empty I felt. (I was not allowed to hold Cole until he was 3 days old, and even touching him was frowned upon). I remember being so heartbroken after I was discharged and I had to leave him behind. This was not at all what I had planned! Well Cole cme home 16 days after he was born and it was the happiest day of my life (it was actually 2years ago today 7/11/2008). So why am I rehashing all of this you ask. Well because yet again we are facing a trip to the NICU! This pregnancy I have tried to be better thinking that I went into preterm labor because I was doing too much, but it did not help. I am now 32 weeks pregnant and have been instructed to be on bed rest!! When I went into the Dr. on Wed, he said that I had 2 cm left on my cervix (from what I have gathered I think I am 50% effaced?). As soon as he saw this he sent me straight to Mckay Dee to get a steroid shot to develop the baby's lungs. At the hospital they hooked me up to a monitor and found that my contractions were every 1-2 min. So they ended up giving me another shot to stop the contractions. (I have been a pin cushion this pregnancy, with the pregesterone shots that I have given myself once a week for the past 14 weeks, the rhogam shot and now the steroid and the shot for the contractions!!!) The shot stopped the contractions and I was sent home on bed rest (bed rest with a 2 year old--are you kidding me). So that is where we sit, not knowing what the future holds for our new little man. Will he fair as well as Coleman and spend a very short time in the NICU or will he come with complications? Working where I work does not give me comfort, instead it causes me to think of all the things that can go wrong. And I worry a lot these days because I am not a fan of the unknown I like to have a PLAN!! But I guess if you look at it the plan is that I lay here for the next 4 weeks and hope that the baby stays put!!